My books are my babies…

To whom it may concern, it has come to my attention that my book isn’t necessarily for everyone, that my choice of punctuation is an issue for you and you feel the need to explain this in your badly spelt reviews of my book. Well let me apologise, but firstly, let me explain…

I don’t know if you have ever written a book, like I have never had a child, you think you know what it’s like, but you can’t really ever know until you’ve experienced it. So I should say, if you have had a child, then you will know how I feel, my books are my babies. They’re the one or two, things I have achieved in my life, sure, I won’t be getting a call from Richard Curtis about his desire to make the film anytime soon (it would be an amazing film, I have the treatment in my head already) and my use of dialogue is indeed a lot (one good review said dialogue heavy like it was a good thing! Thank you Carey Heywood, my American twin) but I wrote books, plural, not just one and I have around four more in the works as I type this. You might have two children, I’ll have six books and even though they aren’t going to win a literary prize, and full stops aren’t in the right place, or you have a first edition in which a ‘rackety old couch’ comes around a corner (Couch/Coach, they mean the world to me.

I should tell you that I am a single parent to these books. There aren’t any benefits for girls like me, I have to find money to do things, I mean the writing made me £50.00 last year and the IRS took a share of that, which as a resident of England I don’t really get, that barely covered my pens and Microsoft upgrade. How much does an editor cost? I see it like this, an editor is a child care professional and they cost a fortune, but relatives do it for free, in this case, I am the relative and I did it for free. Sure, I could get a kickstarter, but can I really offer people something that they might not even want in thanks for their donations? No. So I do it all myself, I write the book, I format the book and I edit the book fifteen times before I send it to Amazon, who by the way, then reformat and make it less reader friendly. I could show you word documents where it’s beautiful, a carriage return after every spoken sentence, page numbers and chapter headings that look superb, but that’s not what happens when it gets to your kindle.

So I apologise, that the books you probably didn’t even pay for and got on a free promo, aren’t as pretty as you wanted them. I’m sorry that I excluded the inner goddess, the magic wands and the fangs. I’m sorry they don’t fight to the death in a tournament or choose a group of people and jump off moving trains. I’m sorry that there’s no boat with a tiger, or a circus that appears at night, there isn’t even a code to break to save civilisation. I won’t apologise for what there is, because I write Chick Lit.

There’s a woman, she’s not so strong in the beginning, but she gets there. There’s a ridiculously attractive man who the woman thinks is too good for her. There’s love at first sight, there’s rows and there’s making up, lots of it. There’s something that could ruin it forever and there may even be a happy ending…That description works for both books, even though the stories are different.

There’s a chance you won’t like it, but an even bigger chance that you will.

So please, when reading my babies, when writing your reviews (please do, especially if it was free) remember that they mean the world to me and are filled with parts of myself that nobody else ever gets to see, the people who don’t read my books that is…

p.s. my surname is Mahood. No second M there, just the first one…


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