I know people say that you don’t truly hate something, but I hate you.
It’s been nearly 10 years since you wheedled your way into my life, and I’ve felt you every day since.
You wake me in the middle of the night with your stupid pointless worries.
You stop me falling asleep in the first place, making me remember that one time I shook someone’s hand wrong or waved at the wrong person.
You take my breath away, not in the good way.
You took away the man who took my breath away in the best way ever.
You stop me making friends.
You stop me making decisions.
You’re everywhere ago, in everything I think.
You’re the scourge of my life.
You’re the stigma.
You don’t define me, you are simply an imbalance of chemicals.
I am strong, I am smart, I am important.
I am more than you.
Today I started the job of my dreams and I fought you, I felt you constricting my throat this morning. Whispering ‘what if’ in my ear, pointing and laughing. I held my head high and I completed my first day with you and grief and heartbreak tugging at me, pushing me toward the shadow of doubt. I stayed in the light.
Today marks the first day of Mental Health Awareness week, I am unashamed that my brain chemicals are imbalanced, that Anxiety has plagued me for almost a decade.
I have survived and I will survive.
I am more than my Anxiety.